inspire

the lie I have been living

It has been a week since the breakup. Yesterday, I had the intense urge to ask a question of which I feared the answer. Since I was home alone, I was not able to ask and not able to sleep, so I waited. The answer turned out to be as expected, my reaction surprised me.

Are you 200% sure you want to give up our life and future, because of a few crappy months? Do they really weigh out the years before?” 

Well, they apparently do. And probably because as it turned out we’re not talking about “a few crappy months”. He is convinced the feeling of unhappiness was there for a very long time, but he just realized it a few months. So who knows how long I’ve been living a lie.

Before he came home, I got tissues by hand and made sure I could go straight to the room I am sleeping in. However, the tears never came. I asked the question with dry eyes and reveived the answer with dry eyes. Back in my room I did not cry and for the first time since last week I slept untill my alarm woke me instead of hours before. Could this be the final piece of information leading to closure? Within a week!?

Who knows, maybe the crying will return later when I leave the house indefinate. Or when a new woman enters his life. Or maybe, this is just it.

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