the letter I will never send

Dearest former love of my life,

Consider this the letter I will never send your way. You may come across it some day, but I doubt it. It contains all the pain and anger I choose not to show you, because you forfeited that right.

You told me you were not happy, that I’d changed away from you. You decided for the both of us our lifegoals were different, eventhough you never asked me if it were true. You discussed the issues you were facing with another woman, fading further and further away from me. And growing ever closer to her.

For ten years we shared our life, a friend of fifteen+ years, reduced to nothing in a week. That’s how long it took you to replace me, all the while telling me, and maybe even yourself, she had nothing to do with this breakup. I do wonder if your really that naïve. Eitherway, your mother must be so proud of you. Do you even remember how mad you were at her for leaving your father the same way you are leaving me now?

Three times you sprung the dissolution of our contract on me and I couldn’t help but wonder why there was such a rush to it. But I understand now. It suits your conscience, being able to tell yourself our connection was severed before you fucked another in our home, in our bed.

It took a month for me to get this pissed off. I could live with you leaving me for being unhappy. I accepted the other woman, in part because my gut told me there was someone else. It would have happened eventually. But your choice to disrespect me the way you are now makes my blood boil.

You told me I am the one that had changed, but it is you I don’t recognize. And it is not just me you’re counting out, but some of our friends as well. It makes me really sad you feel the need to act out like this. I had thought you were more of a man.

Untill a couple of days back I believed I would always love you. You will forever have a place in my heart, but your recent choices make it easier for me to let go of the love and life I’ve lived for a decade. I can only be grateful for that.

Like I said before, I sincerely wish for you to be happy. It will hurt a while longer that I could not give that to you, but that is my demon to face. For my and our decades’ sake, I hope it is with the woman you left me for, so that this mess you’ve made will be more meaningful than just a whim.


The pieces of the woman you used to love


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s